Puppy Monkets! It's me!
4/08/2010 | 
Posted by
Sham-Rock
Friday, April 2, 2010
Good morning :o) (keep in mind that my face doesn't exactly look so happy ~ it's not even 7 a.m. and I've been up for an hour. That's just ungodly LoL.)
Jeremy is home. I was getting ready for bed last night, thinking about a lot of things, I realized that as glad and thankful as I am to have him home, it's kind of... wierd... (is that the right word? Maybe. Maybe not, but I'm going with it...) too.
He was gone for over a year, and it was so hard not being able to be together for so long, but over time ~ after the first few months of crying and feeling lonely - like a piece was just missing from my life (because it was), and just aching every day because he wasn't there to share all the little things with us... Eventually, I - we - got used to it. Not that we didn't still miss him, but we adjusted. We learned how to live and get through each day and how to do the tasks and every day things that life entails... without him.
Having him home the past 2 months has been wonderful. It's been another adjustment, but it's the kind of adjustment I really don't mind making. My man was home :o)
But then, he left for a week. This time, unlike in the past when he left for __ number of months, I didn't ball my eyes out. I didn't feel like running after him and begging him not to go (not that I've actually done that before LoL, but I can't deny wanting to!) Did I want him to go? No. Was I going to miss him? Yes. Did I wish he were home every day he was gone? Yes.
But, him flying out this time was... different... I'm assuming because it was so close to the end of his last deployment. Maybe because the end was in sight ~ I mean, we just went through a year's separation; we can certainly handle a week, no problem! A week is nothing! And though I did miss him very much in that week, I was ok. My world wasn't turned upside down by him leaving this time.
So why am I making such a big deal about this now? Because last night, I happily picked my husband up at the airport and brought him home after his week-long duty, and I realized that now, with him home, we're back to the "adjustment period" again. Yep, that's right ~ we're still adjusting to having him home.
It feels wierd to realize that it now feels more natural (note: I did NOT say better or comfortable as that is not the case) for him to be gone that it does for him to be home. I had not realized how "used to" him being deployed we - I - had gotten until he came home for a while and left again.
It was almost like having your best friend or closest family come visit after not seeing them for a while... You are SO happy and excited to see them, and the time together is fun and wonderful, but then, when they leave to go back home, though you'll miss them, your life resumes as "normal" (whatever that is, right??) You get back to your every day routines and just do things the way you would usually do them before your visitor ever came into the picture.
I didn't realize, until after my hubby was already home again, how easily I'd fallen right back into my learned routines from when he was gone; and how much of a difference having him home makes in those routines. NOT that I'm complaining! We can use a little shaking up, and I wouldn't trade him being home for anything!
I guess I'm just... thinking "out loud"... Wondering, if having him home will ever feel like the "norm" again... Or if somehow, this stange, backwards feeling will stick around and make for easier adjustments on his next deployment... Do I really want "easier"? Some days, yeah... "easier" would be nice... Like on days when my hubby is gone and our 3 year old chooses to be "rambunctious" all day long, then proceeds to flood our upstairs by overflowing the sink in his bathroom (like he did yesterday)... On days like that, I would kiss "easier" smack on the lips. But is "easier" really worth it?
I don't think so.
Life ~ military or civilian ~ is full of changes, and adjusting is just part of living. As an Army wife ~ an Army family ~ we have the opportunity to experience two normals: one with Hubby/Daddy here; and one with Hubby/Daddy away. Reality for us is that someone else primarily decides where we will live, when and how long we will be there, when and how long we will be together or apart, etc... We don't have any control over it... But military or not, we aren't really the ones in control anyway... God's ultimate hand is guiding our lives, and I am so thankful for that because He is infinitely wiser and more able to be in charge than I will ever even dream of being... And He is revealing to me that this ~ my husband being home and involved is our new and our old "normal". When he is gone, that reality kicks in and becomes our "normal" for a given time. We don't have to choose one or the other. We just make the best of both worlds and stay centered on Him, because with God as our foundation, together or apart, our family will make it through.
Jeremy is home. I was getting ready for bed last night, thinking about a lot of things, I realized that as glad and thankful as I am to have him home, it's kind of... wierd... (is that the right word? Maybe. Maybe not, but I'm going with it...) too.
He was gone for over a year, and it was so hard not being able to be together for so long, but over time ~ after the first few months of crying and feeling lonely - like a piece was just missing from my life (because it was), and just aching every day because he wasn't there to share all the little things with us... Eventually, I - we - got used to it. Not that we didn't still miss him, but we adjusted. We learned how to live and get through each day and how to do the tasks and every day things that life entails... without him.
Having him home the past 2 months has been wonderful. It's been another adjustment, but it's the kind of adjustment I really don't mind making. My man was home :o)
But then, he left for a week. This time, unlike in the past when he left for __ number of months, I didn't ball my eyes out. I didn't feel like running after him and begging him not to go (not that I've actually done that before LoL, but I can't deny wanting to!) Did I want him to go? No. Was I going to miss him? Yes. Did I wish he were home every day he was gone? Yes.
But, him flying out this time was... different... I'm assuming because it was so close to the end of his last deployment. Maybe because the end was in sight ~ I mean, we just went through a year's separation; we can certainly handle a week, no problem! A week is nothing! And though I did miss him very much in that week, I was ok. My world wasn't turned upside down by him leaving this time.
So why am I making such a big deal about this now? Because last night, I happily picked my husband up at the airport and brought him home after his week-long duty, and I realized that now, with him home, we're back to the "adjustment period" again. Yep, that's right ~ we're still adjusting to having him home.
It feels wierd to realize that it now feels more natural (note: I did NOT say better or comfortable as that is not the case) for him to be gone that it does for him to be home. I had not realized how "used to" him being deployed we - I - had gotten until he came home for a while and left again.
It was almost like having your best friend or closest family come visit after not seeing them for a while... You are SO happy and excited to see them, and the time together is fun and wonderful, but then, when they leave to go back home, though you'll miss them, your life resumes as "normal" (whatever that is, right??) You get back to your every day routines and just do things the way you would usually do them before your visitor ever came into the picture.
I didn't realize, until after my hubby was already home again, how easily I'd fallen right back into my learned routines from when he was gone; and how much of a difference having him home makes in those routines. NOT that I'm complaining! We can use a little shaking up, and I wouldn't trade him being home for anything!
I guess I'm just... thinking "out loud"... Wondering, if having him home will ever feel like the "norm" again... Or if somehow, this stange, backwards feeling will stick around and make for easier adjustments on his next deployment... Do I really want "easier"? Some days, yeah... "easier" would be nice... Like on days when my hubby is gone and our 3 year old chooses to be "rambunctious" all day long, then proceeds to flood our upstairs by overflowing the sink in his bathroom (like he did yesterday)... On days like that, I would kiss "easier" smack on the lips. But is "easier" really worth it?
I don't think so.
Life ~ military or civilian ~ is full of changes, and adjusting is just part of living. As an Army wife ~ an Army family ~ we have the opportunity to experience two normals: one with Hubby/Daddy here; and one with Hubby/Daddy away. Reality for us is that someone else primarily decides where we will live, when and how long we will be there, when and how long we will be together or apart, etc... We don't have any control over it... But military or not, we aren't really the ones in control anyway... God's ultimate hand is guiding our lives, and I am so thankful for that because He is infinitely wiser and more able to be in charge than I will ever even dream of being... And He is revealing to me that this ~ my husband being home and involved is our new and our old "normal". When he is gone, that reality kicks in and becomes our "normal" for a given time. We don't have to choose one or the other. We just make the best of both worlds and stay centered on Him, because with God as our foundation, together or apart, our family will make it through.
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