Reflections of a Butterfly

A couple of days ago, my husband misplaced the keys to his truck. We have searched everywhere we can think of, both in and out of the house, in the vehicles, the garage, everywhere. The first day they went missing, it was no big deal. I figured I could skip my errands for one day – what would it hurt? – and he could just take my car to work. I could search for his keys, and being the “wonder woman” I am (HAHAHA), I would have them tracked down and laid in plain sight for him by lunch time. Unfortunately, by the end of that first day, his keys were still missing. I’d checked everywhere again: They were not in the dog’s area, or the refrigerator, or in the pockets of his clothes, or on the bookshelf, the work bench, or the bottomless pit commonly referred to as our couch. Where could they be?


So, once again, my darling husband had to drive my vehicle in to work, which probably wouldn’t be so bad, except for the fact that on a good day, it takes him at least an hour to get to work – throw in the rush hour he normally faces, and that time can double. Not to mention the fact that he is in the Army (for those of you who don’t already know), which means his work day often begins at 6 a.m. – and I’m not talking ‘wake up’ here ~ that is often what time he has to arrive at work, which means leaving the house by 4:30 or 5:00 a.m., at the latest. I suppose I could wake up with him, get the kids out of bed 3 – 4 hours earlier than usual, get ready, drive him to work, then drive home so I can have a vehicle for the day, and just pick him up again at the end of the day, and battle rush hour for the 2nd time on the way home. HA. Haha. Hahaha. NOT going to happen! Call me lazy, but I would much rather lay in bed for an extra hour or two!

Inevitably, though, once he leaves for work and the day goes on, I find myself growing antsy. I have had to readjust – well, cancel, if you want to get technical – my plans for a couple of days now. I have errands that need running, and things that need to get done, that I just can’t do without a vehicle. And it is frustrating.

As I dig through the couch for the ump-teenth time, my irritation continues to grow, and I begin talking to myself, saying things like, “He has got to learn to be more responsible. This is ridiculous. How can an entire set of keys just disappear?! I can’t believe he doesn’t know where he left his keys! The kids better not be hiding them ~ if they are, it’s gonna mean one MAJOR time out! I bet the dog ate them… Dumb dog… I hope we didn’t throw them away. WHERE ARE THOSE KEYS?!”

And, then, it hits me.

Maybe, just maybe, this is a God detail.

You see, for the past few weeks, our family has been very busy. I have run myself ragged trying to prepare for upcoming events, help friends/family, participate in things which we have committed to, and just trying to keep up with everyday life ~ the house, the kids, the pets… Occasionally, my husband and I have been able to work in a minute or two here and there where we could at least say hello for the day. That sounds awful, but it’s true. The past few weeks have been incessantly busy, to the point where our time together had been pretty much non-existent. That’s when I realized that my time with God had been the same.

I sat silently in shame as I realized that with as little quality time as I’d been spending with my husband, I’d spent even less with God. I had been so caught up in fulfilling duties, participating in events, and just doing “stuff”, that I had been neglecting the two most important relationships in my life, and I still had more plans, more things on my agenda. I wasn’t slowing down, and… God knew how much I needed to.

Looking back over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that I have been sleeping so much less, and not well when I do. I have felt physically weak, tired, and at times, ill. I have been short tempered, stressed, frustrated, scatterbrained, forgetful, and overwhelmed. I have felt disconnected from those closest to me, and as if I am simply unable to catch up and keep up with everything from chores to people. I realized that I have been trying to consume an entire six course meal at once, rather than taking things one plate at a time and savoring each individual dish.

As I sat there, with my hands still stuck in the couch and these realizations flooding my mind, God spoke to my heart and I knew that the keys were missing for a reason. It wasn’t some big inconvenience that just randomly occurred. It was God’s way of forcing me to slow down so I could hear Him again. He forced me into the position where I would have no choice but to say, “No, I’m sorry I can’t do ___ today because I do not have a way to get there” and I would have no choice but to stay at home with nothing to do except spend time with my children, doing the things I’d neglected around the house, and in those quiet moments before they wake up in the mornings, just to “Be still and know that [He is] God”…

I am so thankful that He cares enough about me that He would “ruin” my plans and replace them with His… Because His are so much better.

So often, in today’s world, we feel as though we must be “wonder woman”, doing everything perfectly and with ease; without tiring, without frustration, without complaint. But, doing “everything” is not a real possibility. We want to succeed and be the best at everything, making everyone around us happy, or awing people with our abilities, talents, and skills. And when we inevitably fail at one or several things, we feel guilty… shameful… inadequate…We lose sight of the fact that no one is the best at everything, and no one can do it all.

But God… It’s amazing how those two little words can give such hope… The phrase “But God” appears at least 43 times throughout Scripture (according to the KJV Bible). In each instance, it is an example of some way man physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually fails or is lacking… But God… But God always restores. God fills in our gaps with His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His strength. He provides us with what we do not have, and what we have no means to obtain. He prospers us when all we can do is fail. He stands by us, leads us, guides us, loves us, protects us, completes us… And He lets us rest in Him… Matthew 11:28 says, “Come unto me, all who are weary and heavy laden, for I will give you rest.”

I forgot that recently. I forgot to go to Him. I forgot to rest in Him.

While the world tells us that we should be able to “do it all”, God, instead, has a more specific thing(s) He calls us to do. That is where He wants our focus ~ on carrying out His will for us. He equips us to do whatever He calls us to do, therefore, as long as we give our best to what we are called to do - to Him, we will succeed. But if we don’t spend time with God, resting in Him, talking with Him, listening to Him… we will never learn what it is He is calling us to do. Instead, we will spend our time exhausting ourselves trying to find the fulfillment that only comes from following His will and satisfying the purpose He has set before us.

So now, I am taking the time to rest; I’m taking the time to rest in Him. I am spending time with my God. I am spending time resting in Him, allowing Him to restore my soul. Becoming rejuvenated and realizing that it’s ok to not be “busy”. It’s ok to say “no” sometimes, because one plate at a time is all we are equipped to handle. More than any event or activity, more than visiting others or running errands or accomplishing tasks… Spending time with God is what will make us whole. It is what will sustain us. It is what will give us peace. It is what will keep us sane and positive. It is what will bring us the greatest joy…

Don’t waste your time failing at doing it all. It is just not worth the cost. Instead, slow down, and take some time with God, because in Him, success is always found.